Dr. Francis SANWO

Your parenting style can affect everything from your child's self-esteem to their academic success. Good parenting style supports healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your child and how you discipline them will influence them for the rest of their lives. 

While no two families are exactly alike, experts have identified some common parenting “styles.” These parenting approaches are generally based on the amount of support parents provide and the amount of control they try to exert. And most have their pros and cons — though some are generally considered to be more beneficial for kids than others.

Types of Parenting Styles

Authoritarian Parenting. This is a strict approach to parenting. Parents set high expectations and firm rules but may not offer their kids much support or ask for their input. The goal of authoritarian parenting is usually obedience and may include strict punishment when rules aren’t followed.

 Authoritarian parents might not be able to set strict rules for a baby, but they tend to create highly rigid feeding and sleeping schedules. They believe kids should be seen and not heard. They don't take the child's feelings into consideration. These parents have high expectations, and they don't hesitate to punish when children don't follow their guidelines.

Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter. Authoritarian parents are not nurturing, lenient, or communicable. They make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard for a child's opinion.

When raised by an authoritarian parent, children are often well-behaved at home, but they may rebel when with classmates or friends. Kids may also struggle with the following: social skills, indecisiveness and trouble thinking on their own, low self-esteem, poor judge of character, anger management ,resentfulness, hostility and aggression.

Some research also indicates that children whose parents were authoritarian reported more substance use and higher instances of depression.

 Teaching kids to have respect for rules can be a good thing. And some experts say that due to the strictness of this parenting style, children of authoritarian parents tend to think about their actions before they do something, so they are less likely to make impulsive choices.  But research shows that an overly rigid approach can also put pressure on children to be perfect and might make them prone to internalizing behaviors like feeling withdrawn, lonely or afraid.

Authoritative Parenting.

 Authoritative parents aim to strike a balance between being firm but also warm and supportive. Instead of forcing children to follow rules, authoritative parents will discuss rules and expectations as a family. But they’re still clear on who’s in charge and will hold kids accountable when they don’t do what’s expected. When discipline is used, it's usually in the form of coaching or guiding natural and logical. They put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with their children, explain the reasons behind their rules, set limits, enforce rules, and give consequences, but also consider their children's feelings and use positive discipline strategies such as praise and rewards to reinforce positive behavior.

 Authoritative parenting  is considered to be the "gold standard" parenting style. Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions. They invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start. 

Authoritative parents view mistakes as a learning experience, and they have clear expectations for their children. They're nurturing and warm, yet they instill the importance of responsibility and discipline.

Children raised with authoritative parenting tend to be happy, confident and successful. They're also more likely to make sound decisions and evaluate safety risks on their own. Authoritative parenting is linked to academic achievement, heightened self-esteem, and resiliency.

Kids with authoritative parents tend to have the following positive outcomes: close, nurturing relationships with parents, tendency to be responsible and respectful, ability to manage their aggression, self-confidence, self-regulation, more likely to be happy and successful.

Kids who are parented authoritatively may also perform well academically and socially, and they're less likely to misuse drugs or alcohol.

 Authoritative parents of babies might create feeding and sleeping schedules, but they’ll make adjustments as needed based on what seems to work best for their little one. As a child moves into toddlerhood, authoritative parents will have non-negotiable rules about health and safety (like no biting or throwing toys) and enforce them in a way that’s logical and respectful.

 Authoritative parenting is widely considered to be a healthy approach for kids. Children of authoritative parents tend to be friendly, cheerful and cooperative, as well as curious, self-reliant and goal-oriented.

Attachment Parenting. Attachment parenting stems from attachment theory, or the belief that infants come hardwired with the need to be nurtured and stay physically close to their primary caregiver for the first few years of life. Some experts see attachment parenting as a specific subset of authoritative parenting, but one that places extra emphasis on affection and physical touch. 

 Attachment parenting most often applies during the baby and toddler years, when a child has a higher need to remain physically close to their primary caregiver. It tends to involve minimizing separation from your little one.

 Like authoritative parenting, attachment parenting has been shown to help children cope with adversity and stress, so they have more of the tools they need to deal with life’s challenges. The approach can be challenging for parents though, since there is a risk of adults not taking stock of their own needs because so much energy is continuously devoted to tending to their children.

Permissive Parenting. Do you as a parent set rules but rarely enforce them and don't give out consequences very often? You think your child will learn best with little interference from you and you let your children do what they want?

You are practicing permissive parenting. Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there's a serious problem. They're quite forgiving. Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.

Permissive parents cater for their children's needs without giving out much discipline. When they do use consequences, they may not stick. Permissive parents are the total opposite of strict.

Since they have a high standing in the household, children of permissive parents are accustomed to getting whatever they want. They may exhibit more behavioral problems as they don't appreciate authority and rules , have difficulty with decision-making, lack of independence and personal responsibility, full of anxiety, depression  and  academic struggles.

Additionally, kids raised by permissive parents are at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity, because permissive parents struggle to limit unhealthy food intake or promote regular exercise or healthy sleep habits.

 Permissive parent usually act more like a friend than a role model, so kids tend to have a lot of freedom and aren’t always monitored closely.

 Children of permissive parents tend to be free thinkers who aren’t afraid to speak their minds. That might mean more creativity, for example. But being raised in a household without many limits can have some downsides.

Free-range Parenting. In some ways, free-range parenting is similar to permissive parenting. Both approaches are fluid and have very few guidelines. It’s allowing your kid to do what you feel she’s capable of, not letting her do whatever she wants.

 Free-range parenting might seem like it only works for older kids, but the concept can be applied to children of any age. It might mean letting babies and toddlers explore new environments without interrupting or helping them (as long as they’re safe, of course). A free-range parent might let their school-age child play out in the backyard mostly unsupervised.

 Findings suggest that letting children be more independent can foster a sense of resilience, where they’re better able to handle challenges and setbacks. Free-range parenting also seems to encourage creativity and strong problem-solving skills. However, not everyone has the same definition of “free-range.” You might have no problem with letting your 8-year-old walk to school unsupervised, but others might see it as dangerous or even neglectful.

 Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting. Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention. They don't set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.  Uninvolved parenting can take a lot of different forms but most of us would know it when we see it. With an infant it can mean not meeting their basic needs of food and sleep and shelter, and with a toddler it could mean not looking out for safety hazards, not filtering what they say around the child, not screening shows the child is exposed to and not vetting the individuals they allow around the child or to care for the child.

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much time or energy to meeting children's basic needs. At times, uninvolved parents lack knowledge about child development or they may believe that their child will do better without their oversight.

Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child's physical or emotional needs consistently.

Without any guidance, structure, or parental involvement, children of neglectful parents often act out. Research has found that kids with uninvolved parents have the worst outcomes, and they're more likely to experience the following: substance use, rebelliousness, delinquency (vandalism, assault, rape, petty theft), lower emotional empathy and diminished self-esteem.

Children of uninvolved parents might, for example, get in trouble at school or with the law. In addition, they might hesitate to form bonds with other people and exhibit depression. Academic performance and social competence often suffer.

Helicopter Parenting. If you're an overprotective parent who feels the need to control most aspects of your child's life, you likely fit the bill of a helicopter parent. Helicopter parents constantly intervene in their kid's life, and they obsess about successes and failures.

The risk-assessing tendencies of helicopter parents are often driven by fear and anxiety. Parents who intervene in this way can hinder a child's ability to learn integral life skills, confidence, and self-sufficiency. Research by the American Psychological Association found that kids who experience helicopter parenting are less likely to be able to manage their emotions and behavior.15

Snowplow Parenting. These parents (also known as lawnmower or bulldozer parents) are willing to drop everything to fulfill their child's wants and demands, no matter how small. They essentially "plough down" anything standing in their child's way.

These types of parents often have good intentions and don't want their children to experience struggle. However, their habits don't provide a foundation for long-term happiness, and they can worsen a child's anxiety about failure. An extreme example of snowplow parenting involves the college admissions scandal, where numerous high-profile celebrity parents bribe colleges to secure admissions for their children.

 Tiger Parenting. Often displaying rigid and harsh characteristics, tiger parents expect obedience and success. Some research has found a correlation between tiger parenting and anxiety in children, possibly due to their parent's high demands and constant expectations for perfection.                                                                         Of course, every family is different, and there are countless different ways to be a parent. Not all parents fit into just one parenting style, many might be a combination of two or even three of the approaches above.

What’s more, most parenting styles offer some valuable benefits. Figuring out what works for you and your child means taking both of your personalities and needs into account and considering the values you want to emphasize. The most important thing in parenting is that your little one is safe and getting the support she needs to thrive.