Dear Sister,

If you’re at least 18, chances are that boy talk has come up more than once. Maybe it was your African parents giving you that classic line: “Leave boys and face your books!” Or maybe the attention has started coming—from male friends, classmates, even social media DMs—and you’ve been navigating it the best way you can.

Let’s rewind to my first “serious” boy attention. I was 13, fresh out of Junior WAEC exams, and a 16-year-old boy asked me to be his girlfriend. I felt it was such a grown-up decision, so I did what I knew best—I wrote a letter. (Junior WAEC had just sharpened my essay-writing skills, after all!)

In the letter, I told him I liked him, but I felt we should just stay friends because I couldn’t imagine telling my parents about us. One day, my dad saw us sitting outside and asked who he was. I told him the truth. That moment anchored me: If I can’t boldly tell my parents about a relationship, maybe it’s not something I should be doing.

But there’s more to the story—at some point, this boy asked me for a kiss. I didn’t feel comfortable with the request, and it was in that moment I realized I wasn’t ready to handle the kind of expectations that come with being in a relationship. He kept trying to persuade me throughout the holiday, but eventually, I had to let the friendship go.

I never told my mum about it, and honestly, I wished I had the kind of relationship where I could talk boys with my parents—especially my mom. But one thing that helped me was this rule: If I can’t tell my folks about it, then I probably shouldn’t be doing it.

Now, fast forward to 18. I was in the university, no parents watching over my shoulder, and the attention multiplied. That’s when it hit me—my life is shaped by the choices I make.

No wonder God said in Deuteronomy 30:19: “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Choices matter. They either build you or break you.

Now, with all the attention from boys at this stage in your life, it’s easy to think the question is: “Should I choose Boy A or Boy B?” But Sis, that’s not the real question.

The first thing you should ask is: Am I ready for a relationship?

Relationships require time, emotional energy, and spiritual responsibility. It’s not just about texting and calling. You’re literally letting someone influence your thoughts, decisions, and heart. That’s no small thing.

Here’s something to remember if you're a Catholic Christian: Relationships should be intentional. We don’t just “vibe,” “go with the flow,” or “see how it goes.”

A romantic relationship, especially one that’s not platonic, should be moving toward marriage. If marriage is nowhere on your radar in the next two to three years, then maybe, just maybe, now isn’t the time to enter into one.

By all means, be friends with guys—build strong, healthy, respectful friendships—but when it comes to exclusive romantic relationships, purpose must lead the way.

So What Should You Do?

1. Assess Your Readiness:
Are you in a place where you know who you are and where you're going? Relationships are not for identity searching. If you’re still unsure of your purpose, values, or boundaries, adding a relationship into the mix might create more confusion. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

2. Think Beyond the Now:
Don’t let the thrill of attention cloud your judgment. You are becoming someone great, and not every relationship fits into that journey.

3. Talk to Someone You Trust:
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents, is there a mentor, older friend, or youth leader you can confide in?

Remember, being in a relationship isn’t a badge of honour—it’s a responsibility. And it’s okay to say, “Not now.”

Let this question linger with you: “What do I really want right now—and why?”

Next week, we’ll dive into the things I believe every girl should figure out before allowing someone into her heart in a romantic way. Because just like with friendships, romantic relationships come with major influence—and that influence should only come when you’re ready.

Until then, let who you’re becoming guide your choices.

With love and prayers,
Your Big Sister in Christ.