John ESENE

   Today’s woman, like in the past; that you have rights is undisputable. Before God all men and women are equal. So, has it and will ever be. Peter Tosh sang on your behalf, “I need equal right and justice. Everyone wants to go to the top. But how far is the top from the bottom?” He wondered aloud perhaps to men. I see justice and peace coming your way! He added with confidence, “I really need it! Equal right and justice! Just give me my share. Equal right and justice! What belongs to Caesar you better give it unto Caesar.”

    One thing you must do when you have disagreement with your spouse to the knowledge of your neighbours and friends is to protect him irrespective of the damages done to you. Someone may encourage you to fight your spouse when you narrate your encounter with him or her. This person may be jealous of you and want your marriage to collapse. Sometime ago, a woman mistakenly told her best friend how her husband disappointed her and her friend encouraged her to fight for her right at all cost. When she did, the man sent her packing and married that her best friend. So, rather than expose your family when you have a dispute, run to the Holy Family for counseling in faith and trust and you will not regret it.

      Adam said that Eve is the bone of his bone. When you hurt your spouse you are hurting yourself because both of you are one. “We who are strong in the faith ought to help the weak to carry their burdens. We should not please ourselves. Instead, we should all please our brothers (spouses) for their own good in order to build them up in the faith” Rom. 15:1-2. Let the strong spouse bear with the weak and forge ahead for their common good. That was while Monica was able to fight for the conversion of her husband who later died as a Christian. Today, Monica and her son, Augustine are both Saints.

    Let your husband beat you to second position. Then, as the umbrella of the family and the neck of your husband, drive him to the first position for the good of your family. Nothing, indeed you have nothing to lose when you support him as directed by God during your creation TO HELP HIM. Rather than run to people for help, you should run to God and the peace that comes from above will overwhelm your family. And everybody in your family including your husband will be calling you, Mummy!  Know today that you are his key notes, his night nurse when he needs no doctor for real. In the depth of the night, resolve your differences with him as his nurse. Erick Donaldson encourages you to “Keep the fire burning, fire burning and burning.”

     The man you must make better than you met him: make him wiser, richer, gentler, holier, tolerant, acceptable, goal getter, more responsible, more prayerful and more dependent on God. God did not make mistake for making you a woman. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a SUITABLE COMPANION to help him. Then the Lord God made the man fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, He took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the flesh. He formed a woman out of the rib and brought her to him. Then the man said, “At last, here is one of my own kind-Bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. Woman is her name because she was taken out of man” Gen. 2:18, 21-23.

     So, when he treats you as an enemy, remind him in a very cordial way that you are the bone of his bone and all will be well again! Jimmy Cliff encouraged you saying, “Your actions (should) speak louder than words. No woman, no cry” He warned you when he said “Don’t be deceived by those fancy talkers. Because anyone can say, he turns your night to day, but when it comes to doing …!” Yes, Jimmy Cliff warned but you heard not. You are man’s catalyst: you can decide to make or mar the man. But God’s instruction is that you support and not destroy him.

    Your marriage vows made you a part of him; hence you are now one flesh! Do not be the sugar in his tea! If you do, he will drink you and get another woman as sugar, drink her also and become tea drinker. Jimmy Cliff says again. “The struggling man has a right. I would rather be a freeman in the grave than a rich slave.” Our own sister, Onyeka Onwenu reminded us in her song that, “One love keeps us together.” And Bob Marley supported her when he said, “Let’s get together and feel alright. As it was in the beginning (one love); so shall it be in the end (one heart)” Believe them: it will work for you because two wrongs cannot make a right!

     When we are facing crisis especially the one that has to do with family, we should be able to borrow a leaf from Jim Reeves who solved his problem with the song, “Where do I go from here?”

 

Where do I go from here?

What fate is drawing near?

Touch my heart,

And guide my lips in prayer.

 

Through the grace of God alone,

I’ll cast aside these fears I’ve known,

And lift myself from

The depths of deep despair!

 

Give me strength that I might find,

Abiding faith and peace of mind

And I won’t ask

Where do I go from here?