Bridget I. AKINGBOLU

 

Three weeks ago, Mothers’ Day was celebrated across the Catholic Church. Mothers outnumbered fathers in the pews by nearly ratio 3 to 1. On 3rd of May, 2026, on Fathers’ Day, the ratio has flipped: for every 3 mothers present, there’s barely 1 father.

The same Church. The same God. The same Eucharist. But a different response.

So we must ask: “Where are our fathers?”

And Catholic Mothers are asking too: “Where are our husbands?” 

And some Grandmothers are asking: “Where are the fathers of our grandchildren?”

 

This is not an accusation. It is a cry from the heart of the domestic Church. When a wife kneels and the seat beside her is empty, the Body of Christ feels the gap. When a child looks for dad at Mass and doesn’t find him, the future of the Church feels it too.

 

I. WHY THE GAP? WHAT’S KEEPING MEN AWAY?

1. The Sunday Hustle Culture 

Many husbands work 6 days a week. Sunday is the only day to rest or hustle extra jobs. The economy has turned fathers into providers first and parishioners last. The system pulls husbands out, and wives feel it most.

 

1. A Church Culture That Feels “Female”

Our ministries: CWO, Block Rosary, Legion of Mary. All vital. All mostly mothers. Where are the St. Joseph’s Work Crews? If a husband doesn’t see a place to stand, build, and lead, he assumes Church is not for him. Our wives found a home. Our husbands are still looking for the door.

 

1. The Father Wound in a Fatherless Age

Many men grew up without present, prayerful fathers. They don’t know how to approach God as Abba. Others carry shame from failure. Rather than face the altar, they avoid it. And their wives pray alone.

 

1. Manhood Interrupted: The Case of Boy-Fathers

Some fathers are still boys. A 17-year-old holding a baby. A 20-year-old paying child support from a mechanic shop. Biology made them fathers in one night. But manhood – the character, sacrifice, and virtue needed to raise a child – takes years. Many ran because they were terrified. Others stay but parent through fear because no one modeled St. Joseph for them. Father wounds create father wounds. And when we meet them with whispers instead of welcome, they stop coming to Mass.

 

1. A Message That Misses Men

We’ve called husbands to be nice, not to be saints. Men respond to mission, battle, and purpose. If all the Church offers is sitting and singing, the warrior sleeps.

 

II. THE ANSWER: FATHERHOOD IS SERVITUDE LEADERSHIP

When Christ washed the feet of His disciples, He redefined leadership forever. He showed that the greatest man in the room is the one with the towel. On Fathers’ Day, the Church calls every man to the same model: Fatherhood is servitude leadership.

1. The Pattern: St. Joseph, Servant-Leader

St. Joseph never spoke a word in Scripture, but he led the Holy Family through service. He rose in the night to flee to Egypt, worked with calloused hands to feed Jesus, and protected Mary at the cost of his own reputation. He teaches us: “Authority in the home is not a throne. It’s a basin and towel.” True manhood begins when a man kneels to serve. To the boy-father: God trusted a young St. Joseph with Jesus. He can trust you too.

 

1. Christ’s Model: Leadership that Bends Low 

“Whoever would be first among you must be servant of all” Mark 10:44. Jesus called God “Abba” and then showed us what that Fatherhood looks like: He fed the hungry, carried children, forgave the guilty, and laid down His life. 

 

1. A Catholic father imitates this. He is head of the home not to be served, but to serve. His leadership is measured by the peace in his wife’s eyes and the confidence in his children’s hearts.

 

1. What Servitude Leadership Looks Like Daily
   1. Serves in Prayer: He is first to kneel. He gathers the family for Rosary when it’s easier to watch football.
   2. Serves in Work: His labor is an offering, not a leash. He comes home ready to engage, not escape.
   3. Serves in Love: He apologizes to his children. He dates his wife. Strength is shown in gentleness.
   4. Serves in Formation: Sons learn how to treat women by watching him honour their mother. Daughters learn their worth by how he protects them.
   5. Serves in Protection: He guards what enters his home through screens and conversations. He stands between his family and spiritual danger like Joseph guarded the cave at Bethlehem.

 

1. To the Wounded, the Weary, and the Young

Maybe you had no model. Maybe you’ve been selfish, absent, or harsh. Maybe you became a father at 16. Servitude leadership doesn’t demand perfection. It demands repentance and direction. The thief on the cross became a saint in his final hour. “Your past does not cancel your calling.” Pick up the towel. Ask your family, “How can I serve you better?” Then do it.

 

1. To widows, single mothers, and spiritual fathers filling the gap: the Church honours your servant-leadership too. Fatherhood is a mission, not just a title.

 

1. A Fathers’ Day Examination 

On this occasion, let every man ask: 

1. Do my children see me pray? 
2. Does my wife feel safer because of me or in spite of me? 
3. Would my household call me “servant” before “boss”? 

 

Prayer for Fathers

St. Joseph, most obedient and most humble, terror of demons and pillar of families, teach our fathers the power of the hidden, serving life. Make them men who lead like Christ: with a towel, not a title. Bring our husbands home. Raise our boy-fathers into men. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

III. HOW THE CHURCH ANSWERS THE CRY

 

1. Call Men to Service, Not Just to Seats: Raise “St. Joseph Societies” – men who handle repairs, security, and ushering, mentoring boys. Men bond shoulder-to-shoulder on mission.

 

1. Father the Boy-Fathers: Assign every young dad to a “St. Joseph Mentor” – an older man who teaches him work, prays with him, and doesn’t quit. Start “Young Fathers Classes”.

 

1. Preach to Men’s Battles: Address lust, anger, provision, pornography, father wounds. Teach Confession as the reset button for warriors.

 

1. Commission Fathers Publicly: Let sons see them read the Word, carry the Cross. Bring young fathers to the altar, not just the back pew. A boy becomes a man when someone trusts him with something that matters.

 

1. Wives, Keep Praying. Keep Inviting: St. Monica prayed her husband and Augustine into the Church. “I’d love to sit with you on Sunday” wins more than lectures.

 

1. Make Sunday an Encounter: Good preaching, solid music, real brotherhood after Mass. Let fathers taste that the Church is strong, not soft.

 

A FINAL WORD TO THE FEW AND THE FUTURE

To the fathers who showed up for the celebration: thank you. You are the remnant. To the 18-year-old father who came despite shame: you are brave. When your wife looks left and sees you, her heart rests. When your son sees you kneel, he learns how to talk to God.

 

Where are our fathers? Where are our husbands?

Some are absent. Some are wounded. Some are still boys. 

The answer starts when one Catholic man stands up and says, “I’ll wash feet. I’ll father. And I’ll bring one more.”

 

The world has enough masters. The home is desperate for servant-leaders.